女同志經歷被劈腿之感情故事及對自我認同的影響

Abstract

本研究旨在探索女同志被劈腿之感情故事，及對自我認同的影響、轉化。本研究採質性之敘事研究取向為方法，以立意抽樣方式，在PTT網站Lesbian「拉版」上徵求適合此主題的研究參與者，共訪談四位具（至少一次）被劈腿經驗之成年女同志（年齡從28至36歲間）。研究者首先以文本形式敘述四位女同志被劈腿之感情故事，再進一步呈現女同志被劈腿後所受到之影響與轉變，主要發現有：（一）女同志被劈腿的因素涵括個人、關係及伴侶三方面：原生家庭形塑被劈腿者之樣貌、親密關係中的不穩定因素以及劈腿者的劈腿因素；（二）女同志被劈腿者分手的主被動性、分手後雙方關係形式及現在對這段感情的看法皆影響復原歷程；（三）被劈腿後女同志會因為：內在自我認同程度、父母的支持性、身為T的悲觀、出櫃與否、無婚姻制度的保障、與伴侶的緊密或疏離影響自我認同感；（四）被劈腿後，愛情觀、對自己的看法及對未來伴侶關係的要求皆發生了改變；（五）有兩位受訪者認為第三者的性別無影響，被欺騙才是痛苦根源，另外兩位認為對方劈男性會產生對現實的無奈，劈女性則會引發憤怒與競爭感。最後，本研究根據研究發現作進一步的省思、討論與建議。

The purpose of this study was to explore the relationship stories and transformation of lesbians’ self-identity after being cheated on. The study adopted narrative qualitative methodology and purposive sampling. The participants were four self-identified lesbians (age 28 to 36), who had at least one experience of infidelity. The researcher first presented the narratives of participants’ psychological journey, then elucidate the impact on them: (1) there are 3 factors contributing to infidelity of participants' partners: participants' personal issues as shaped by their family of origin, the unstableness in their relationships, and the cheater's personal reasons; (2) who initiated the break-up, the form of their relationship after the break-up and how they perceived the traumatizing relationship are some factors influencing their recovery;(3) the strength of self idenification, the acceptance level of their parents, coming out or not, lack of marriage to safeguard their relationships, and intimacy level with their partner are some influential factors to lesbians’ self-identity after being cheated on; (4) the transformation after being cheated on are: their concept of love, self-perception and requirments for the future partners; (5) gender of the intruders have different impacts on lesbians: two participants thought it is not about intruder’s gender, but about being deceived by their partner.The other two thought that the male intruder triggered the helpless feeling toward reality, while female intruder caused more anger and competitive feeling.