標題: | 迷路的大肚魚-一位女研究生的自我追尋之旅 The Journey of a Female Graduate Student Searching for Herself |
作者: | 何婉如 Wan-Ju Ho 陳致嘉 Jyh-Jia Chen 教育研究所 |
關鍵字: | 敘事探究;非主流;主體性;Narrative inquire;Non-mainstream;Subjectivity |
公開日期: | 2006 |
摘要: | 本文研製之目的,在於傳遞一種非主流的聲音,以及呈現一種跳脫框架的生命敘事探究。
這是一個迷失與追尋的故事。
來自勞工階級、單親家庭、技職體系的我,一腳踩進了菁英大學的研究所裡,訝異於自身的與眾不同,在異同的衝突中,我感到自卑、挫折,覺得自己踩進了一個不屬我的世界,我對自己的存在價值產生懷疑與迷惘,在去留間掙扎。
掙扎之際,卻在教育社會學中,看見了一連串衝突、不協調的因,也看見了自己的社會定位,原來,我是所謂「非主流」、「劣(弱)勢」的一方。
我不甘於被屈就簡單的分類法則,不願屈就於標籤歸類,我選擇留在這場域裡頭,為自己發聲,試圖扭轉社會所加諸的束縛。我想要做自己,除了社會的定位之外,我企圖尋找生命的定位,一個讓我安在的定位。
我回顧並梳理過往生命經驗,在複雜且充滿迷惘不安的成長經歷裡,有意識地覺察與體認,是怎樣的一個過程形塑了今日的我。透過過去與現在經驗的對映,以及靈修經驗的協助,讓我更深刻也更敏銳地觀照自己,覺知自己的狀態,並以正面、充滿生命力、且更為柔軟自在的姿態,面對生命裡大大小小的課題與挑戰。
這是我生命裡的一小段故事,卻也是社會(或教育體系)的一面小鏡子,映照出社會粗淺化約的標籤歸類規則,映照出教育體制切割與同化的過程,我抗拒被同化與歸順所謂的「主流」價值,也不想符應「非主流」的標籤,而能在二分法之外,走出自己的路。 A procedure is A procedure is a story about one’s missing and finding herself. I, coming of working class, single family and vocational school entered a graduate school of top university while I was surprised at my different background with my classmates. Encountering many conflicts with them, I felt self-abased and frustrated. It is not my world. I doubted and confused with my existence value while struggling to leave or to stay. While struggling, I have seen reasons of conflicts and incongruity in educational sociology. Also, I found my social position, that is, I belong to so-called non-mainstream and minority group. I am not willing to be categorized or labeled by simple classification rule. I decided to stay in the field because I want to voice for myself and try to escape from the trip made by society. Be myself! In addition, I intend to find a safe position for my whole life. By reviewing and integrating my past life experience, complex and confusing growing process, I consciously observed and understood what kind of process shaped me. Through mirroring past and present experience and helps of spiritual growth experience, I intensely and sensitively mirror myself, understand my situation and face every subject and challenge in my life with a positive, active and soft way. This is not only a little part of my life story but a small mirror of society or education system. By mirroring these labeled classification rules in society and the process of separation and assimilation in education system, I resist to be assimilated into so-called mainstream value and to correspond to the label of non-mainstream value. I am trying to do myself in two way classification. |
URI: | http://140.113.39.130/cdrfb3/record/nctu/#GT009448507 http://hdl.handle.net/11536/81976 |
Appears in Collections: | Thesis |
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